This time around, my safe foods are completely different than last time. I have chosen to eat plenty of protein, fruits and veggies with all the coffee I want, while restricting carbs, dairy and fat.. I have been trying to stick with foods that are low calorie but keep me full in between meals. I have also tried to scatter my calories across the day so that way I don't get bloated, my sugar doesn't drop and I don't go into starvation mode. So far my choices have been working. As you may know from reading a previous post, I am in the 1000/1100 calories a day portion of my diet that I will adhere to for one more week before reducing to 900/1000 for another two weeks and the decreasing again. The foods I have been eating most often lately are:
1. Dried fruits and nuts:
My favorites are dried apricots, mango and apples and cashews, pecans and almonds.
2. Morningstar veggie burgers, veggie sausages and veggie hot dogs.
3. Cappuccinos: no more than one 8 oz cup a day.
4. Swiss Miss hot chocolate. Usually one or two 8 oz cups a day with Splenda and almond milk.
5. Eggs. Either scrambled or hard boiled. I usually eat two or three of them.
6. Sliced hard dough bread. No more than two slices a day.
7. Pineapple and bananas. As much as I want.
I have completely cut out pasta, rice, peanut butter, pizza and ice cream. On another note, I'm starting to get really cold again and it's only the sixth day of me restricting. I have found that staying hydrated throughout the day by drinking Lipton Diet Green Tea or all natural iced tea in general has greatly diminished the amount of gas and bloating I have in between meals.
On another thought, I feel as big as ever and I keep wishing I could just fast forward six months from now and be at my goal weight already. Alas, life doesn't work like that and I'm here sulking instead of studying or doing work. Sometimes I honestly feel like I should just give up. Why work so hard now if I'll likely be dead or bed bound by the time I have my credentials to be a doctor? Other times I imagine myself juggling both this eating disorder, a hectic work schedule and a fruitful love life. But the reality is that I'll likely be alone in my own apartment agonizing over calories, food and weight. Suicide seems like a good choice, but my eating disorder is already working on bringing an end to me, not that I'm complaining. You can never be too thin. Too fat? He'll yeah. But too thin? Never.
Ill pray for you
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